Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
