I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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