i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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