please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
