Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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