do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
