I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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