Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
