Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
