It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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