The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
