if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i drank out of a bidet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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