Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
