New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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