you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
