Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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