I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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