She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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