if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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