Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
