what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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