Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
