sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
