she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
