the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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