its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
