have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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