Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
