You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
