Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
