saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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