i don't plan on having that self control this summer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
