i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
