This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
