Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
