Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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