Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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