Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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