fuck your aforementioned shoe
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
