Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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