oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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