no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
