i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
