a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have tasted many bathrooms
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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