I seem to have left my pride at pride
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
