just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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