Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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