Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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