I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
