You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
