dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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