JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
