I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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