you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
