In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
