once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
