he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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