it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
