what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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