just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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