I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
