Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
