yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
