how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's paper in my vomit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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