I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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