butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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