is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
