why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
