nut hugger
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
