someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
