glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
