this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
