9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
