This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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