the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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