Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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