Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
